Crazytown, USA

I firmly believe that my current city of residence has the highest per-capita crazy rate in the U.S.   We’re talking about 5 crazy to 1.

It hasn’t been so bad, you know.  Crazy people are often very friendly, like that bike helmet wearing, plumply rounded older man who stands outside his door all the live long day.  Sometimes even through the night.  I know this because whenever I go to my car he yells, “YOU LOOK NICE TODAY!!!!!!”  And I say “Thank you.”  And he does a twirl.  One time I went to my car around 11pm to get a book and made it halfway back up the stairs before he yelled “YOU LOOK NICE TODAY!”  It scared the bajiggers out of me 1) because he waited longer than usual and 2) it was too dark for him to know if I looked nice at all…I think he has crazy super night-vision powers.

There’s also the other nice older man across the street from us.  He thinks he has a cat.  There actually is no cat, but he doesn’t believe you.  He loves this cat with some incoherent name that we’ve narrowed down to either “BOOOO-HAAA” or “RAAAAA-NUU.”   Sometimes, around 2:30am we will hear him calling, “HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-KIIIIDDYKIDDDYKIDDDYYYYYYY….. pause ….. pause …. meow Meow MEOW!…. pause …. HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKIIIIIIIDY MEOW!”  This will go on a few hours.  It’s weirdly soothing in a sort of screeching way.

He is a very helpful neighbor though.  One night he knocked on the door and asked Atticus if we owned the car the size of a shopping cart.

“Yeup.  That’s our car.”

“Well, you need to lock it.”

“Oh, thank you.  That’s a good idea.”

“No, it isn’t locked right now.  You need to go lock it.  Someone might find out it’s unlocked and break in.  I check your car doors every night and it isn’t locked.  I opened it and could even get inside.”

When Atticus came back into the living room I said, “Yeah, we better do that…or someone might break in…because they just did…”

Then there’s the nice woman on the street who came up to me and said, “You need this food” and gave me two mints and a gooey grape jollyrancher.  That was a life saver.

Of course, I’m sure not all crazy people are as complimentary, charitable, or vigilant as our neighbors.  But, mostly they’re a good bunch.

And so informational!

This past week as I visited the library, a younger woman took the time out of her day to run across the room as I was leaving to notify me that, in fact, “ALL THESE BOOKS ARE WRITTEN BY MICHELLE OBAMA!!”

Who knew?!



Filed under Funny Story

7 responses to “Crazytown, USA

  1. Funny, funny stuff.

  2. LJ

    I firmly believed I only attracted mentally unstable guys until I was 21. But your stories are WAY better.

  3. Wow. What if it’s something in the water!?

    Pinto: Sometimes…when we want to have a hot bath…the water is bright orange?

  4. Megan

    No, it’s a little known fact that Michelle Obama did write every book ever written.

    Pinto: So I’ve been told…

  5. Rees

    Crazy is as crazy does :)

    Pinto: I’m not sure if I’m supposed to worry about my own sanity with that comment or just chuckle and be like, “You said it sister!” Am I the only one that feels ill at ease because I can’t understand my own language’s “little sayings” (there’s a word for those things, but I can’t think what it is. I need Danosaur.)

  6. Laura

    I was in tears laughing! Definitely a crazy city with some crazy stories! Thanks for sharing!

  7. Pinto, I think the word you’re looking for is ‘idioms.’ (Er. Re: your comment on Rees’s comment.) Pinto: THANK you!

    P.S. I feel kind of weird about this, but when typing ‘Pinto’ above, I thought of you as ‘Pinto,’ not as ‘Pinto’s real name, which I know but which I will not post here because that would be a violation of privacy and/or potentially dangerous, especially regarding the subject of this particular blog post.’

    Yeah, like how last week I was telling my sister a story and totally kept saying “Atticus” without realizing it. Spoooky blog world taking over our minds.

    So, you know. Sorry about that. Can I call you something other than Lizardbreath? Because it’s weird to think of your name being that whole word…aaaaand maybe I’ll just call you Cecilia or something?

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