We [finally] got our recycle bin yesterday. It just miraculously appeared on our doorstep. You’d have thought we just won Publisher’s Clearinghouse.
Atticus started jumping and doing this little jig as we clutched at the instruction brochure and brought it inside.
“Ooooohh! We can put in green glass!”
“And look, they take milk jugs too! I’m so happy!”
Then, we got to this sentence, bolded and in red.
“Yougurt and cottage cheese like containers are NOT EXCEPTED.”
Now, we could get past the flagrant misspelling and debatable lack of a hyphen, but that last word…
Now, at first I was like, “Well, okay great! We can evenput in “yougurt”ish containers. They are part of the group too; even they are not excepted.”
But then we realized, to our horror, that nowhere in the brochure was the word “accepted.” There was a very real possibility that perhaps the person who wrote the pamphlet did not even know there was a word “accepted.”
So…does that mean…”yougurt” containers are not ACCEPTED?
See, that’s sort of a big difference there. That’s sort of a crucial difference. What if people have been plaguing the recycling center with their “cottage cheese like containers” for years and no one could figure out why?
“But, we clearly wrote that they were not excepted!” they’d cry, “We even put it all in CAPS and made it glaringly red! Why do they hate us so? We just want to heal the earth.”
I mean, it’s already a tough job being an environmentalist, and that’s without the general population thwarting your clear recycling instructions; cackling as they lick off their yoplait spoons, “Blawhaaa, yougurt yougurt yougurt containers, oops they dropped in my recycle bin! sneer, cackle-sneer.”
But what if they really are NOT EXCEPTED and the frustrated recycling people can’t figure out why we’re filling up our landfills and oceans with the tons of cottage cheese containers Americans produce semi-minutely?!
Existential crisis! What is my civic duty here?
This is pretty rock-hard evidence that bad writing is, in fact, causing global warming.