…are bad at math.
I will tell you why.
Remember how I’m planning a surprise for Atticus at a place rich people go in the summer to catch salmon and golf and eat foods where the descriptions of the foods have more words than the actual number of foods on your plate?
That sentence was weird. Here’s what I’m saying:
Poor people food description words < Poor people foods on plate
Rich people food description words > Rich people food on plate
Poor people food description: “Hamburger”
Poor people food on plate: Hamburger, bread, lettuce, mayo, mustard, pickle, one ton of french fries, partridge in pear tree
Rich people food description: “White peppercorn-crusted hand-caught Chesapeake Bay striped sea bass, lightly spritzed with imported Serrano lemon and served with a cacophony of crisp, nutty, organic spring vegetables on a bed of Greek-style, basil-infused orzo.”
Rich people food on plate: Fish, lettuce, rice
See. It just doesn’t make sense! It’s sort of like Rich People want to be cheated out of their money. They read this ridiculously long paragraph of description and get a dime-sized circle of mashed turnips for $25 and they’re like:
“HOORAY! I’m Rich!”
Missing the math skills… Very sad. Don’t stare or point at the Rich People.
But, you see, the Poor People…we have the math skills. And sometimes, the Poor People are put in situations that make us feel like we’re taking advantage of the Rich People.
Like today, this is what happened.
Rich People Resort: Hello. How can I help you?
Me: I would like to make a reservation for a secret, surprise weekend of magic.
RPR: Very good, madame. And what accommodations would you prefer?
Me: Could you give me a run-down of your magic weekend rates?
RPR: Of course, your grace. You can have one bed for $52453. Or, you could have two beds for $34.
Me: I’m sorry. Are you saying that one bed costs $52000, but I could double that for $34 instead?
RPR: $52453 for the single bed. $34 for two. Yes.
Me: You’re kidding, right?
RPR: Only if you’d like me to.
Me: So… Two beds are less than one bed?
Me: Can I have two beds then? For less than one bed?
RPR: Yes. And we invite you to enjoy our complimentary Hors d’oeuvres hour where we will be serving Chilled Baby Cantalopes, the rind peeled with diamond knives, wrapped in a…
Me: Sounds good! Thank you. Goodbye!